Lesson One: If visiting Las Vegas on a bachelor party, do not -- under any circumstances -- allow the bachelorette to hold her party in Las Vegas at the same time. Yes, believe it or not, that really happened on this trip. She says it's merely coincidence, but Denecia just happened to schedule her bachelorette party at the same time not just in Las Vegas, but yea in the very same hotel in which we stayed! If she ever reads this, Denecia will probably rip me a new one for even bringing this up, because that very bachelorette just now came home from the Las Vegas hospital today after an emergency over the weekend, but in all honesty, she shouldn't have been there in the first place.
Lesson Two: Take full advantage of the discount ticketeers stationed all around Vegas. Using Tix4Golf.com, Tix4shows.com, yadda yadda yadda, we purchased half-priced tickets to a few things, but we didn't take advantage of it enough. Just like Priceline does for hotels and airlines, these guys do for Vegas entertainment. A tee time wasted is time that the golf course can't get back. An empty seat at the Cirque du Soleil show is just an empty seat, but the show must go on. So these discount companies jump in there and get the seats filled. They've got connections to shows, restaurants, golf, tours...you name it. It's really a great way to get the most for your money on your Las Vegas trip.
Lesson Three: Play video blackjack and poker rather than the tables to strech your gambling budget. Unless you're a serious high-roller, the cocktail waitresses visit the slots just as often as they do the low-limit tables. But rather than risking $10 or $5 per hand -- three if you visit the casinos with grimy chips -- you'll only have a quarter a hand at risk. I even found one for a nickel a hand at Green Valley Ranch. Use the extra to tip your hard working waitress, and she'll keep coming around. And if you're with a group of guys, you can camp out around a video blackjack cluster, pool the tips, charm the waitress, and keep her coming around as often as possible. If you ask (and if you tip well enough), your waitress will probably even put you on automatic refill mode and just keep your tasty adult beverages coming as long as you're sitting there.
Lesson Four: Do the stuff that you can only do in Vegas. I know this kind of goes against Lesson Three since you can play video poker and blackjack online or at any neighborhood Indian casino, but the lesson applies for most everything else. Cirque du Soleil, for example, has at least three or four permanent shows that are only in Las Vegas. They tour other shows, but it's challenging to put the elaborate sets of Ka and O on a tour bus. It should be a crime to visit Vegas and not see a Cirque show. They are truly unbelievable! If you haven't seen one yet, you just can't quite imagine how incredible they are. And each show is surprisingly unique. Along the same lines, you should be sure to walk through as many of the themed hotels/casinos as you can. The canals and gondolas of the Venetian truly are strikingly similar to the real thing in Venice. New York New York is very cool to see, both inside and out. You can only see the largest Golden Nugget in the world in one place. Also, poker tournaments abound -- some for only twenty bucks or so. And the list goes on... I'm still kind of kicking myself for this, but I talked myself out of going to see Tom Jones in concert because I didn't want to get snapped in the back of the head by the cougar club's menopausal panties when their toss doesn't quite make it to the stage. Furthermore, I'm not sure if Tom appeals to the Angles crowd or not, but if so, I didn't relish the idea of my concert attendance being akin to an application to join their team. But on the other hand, it was Tom Jones in concert, man. He's awesome! Ah well, too late now.
Lesson Five: Get away from the Strip for a while. Whether it's Fremont Street, the Hoover Dam, Green Valley Ranch, a golf outing, whatever...Just get away from the endless neon mayhem of the Strip for a little while and do something else. Surprise! The rest of Las Vegas is actually a pretty normal place. We actually rented a car the day we played golf. Cab fare was over twenty bucks just to get to Fremont street, so I can't even imagine what it would be to get to the Badlands Golf and Country Club some thirty miles away from our hotel. When we stopped off at K-Mart along the way to pick up supplies, the locals stared at us funny, and you could see the unspoken question behind every set of eyes: "Are you lost, boys? They casinos are back that way. Please don't leave again." No, I'm just kidding. Actually they were really nice. Just normal people. It's just that you don't really expect to see normal people in Vegas. (That statement will probably get me in trouble.)
So, in conclusion, here is how I'll do Vegas next time:
Go to the discount ticket booth when we first arrive. Get what we want for the entire time we're in Vegas (or do the whole thing online ahead of time). Then stick to the following daily routine.
1. Golf in the morning.
2. Sit at the 25 cent blackjack slots until we've had enough to drink, or get in on a low buy-in poker tourney.
3. Eat a really good half-priced ribeye.
4. Go see a half-priced show in the evening.
5. Eat a late-night meal at a Vegas-only establishment.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
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